Answer Honestly

Tell me about a life changing experience.

What in your life are you most proud of?

Are you where you thought you'd be? Where do you see yourself going?

I would venture to say that the above are fairly substantial questions, but that does not a difficult question make. Or does it? I've been mulling these questions over for well in excess of a week now, and I'm not any closer to having the answers than when I first posed them to myself. Matter of fact, all I've gathered from this self-reflection is how uncertain I am--about everything.

12 days from now, I will be 20 years old. Despite the comfort afforded by telling myself that it hasn't all been preparation, it is getting more difficult to believe that it has been something more. After nearly a score of years on Earth what have I accomplished? Not much. Barring scholastic achievement, sarcasm, and an obscene amount of film knowledge, the series of misadventures that have made up my life to this point, have been largely fruitless. I've spent the past few weeks sympathizing with Jude the Obscure. I haven't done anything, haven't made anything. It's not as if I expect to rule the world at 20, but people younger than me have gone to the Olympics--the narrow progress that my comrades and I have made in re-energizing the sport of tunnel tag pales somewhat in comparison.

So answering honestly, my responses to the above questions:

Tell me about a life changing experience.
The best I've got would be my decision to join yearbook, it was my niche, and arguably what led me to declare journalism as one of my majors. I have nothing but fond memories of my life and times in yearbook--still a high school course being the most significant moment of my life gives me the sense that my life experience leaves something to be desired.

What in your life are you most proud of?
Honestly, I have no idea; I don't think I've done anything that exceptional.

Are you where you'd thought you'd be? Where do you think you're going?
I'm not altogether certain that I ever stopped and thought, "What am I going to be like when I'm 20?" I think it was always just assumed that I'd be in school. In that sense, I'm exactly where I thought I would be. Of course to say that I thought I'd be "in school," is nothing short of vague. As to where I see myself going, I hope into a career I actually enjoy, something to do with writing and film, but again, I haven't the slightest clue of what or where. That, however, I do not take issue with, not even in the slightest. I think to commit myself to a future now would be to deny myself most every opportunity, I'm afraid of becoming too comfortable, or too complacent.

After nearly two weeks of scrutiny and analysis that's what I've got. The answers are no different than when I first began, and I still don't find them remotely satisfactory. I'm tired of thinking and wondering, I want the answers, and I want them to make sense. I need something firm, something definite, an absolution. I'm through pondering, I only have one question left.

Where is my catharsis?