So lately I have been a movie crier. When this phenomenon began I couldn't begin to fathom what might have caused such a change. I still don't really know, but I have decided I don't much about why it started. Honestly, I kind of like it; it is one of the most pure emotions I've ever known.
Most recently The Wrestler brought the tears. It was a fanastic, breathtaking film, and one that I believe everyone should experience. Having said that I have no intention of mulling over what about that film made my cry, I already know that. I'm more interested in meditating on the thoughts that occured to me afterward; that they followed a moment of such clairvoyance makes them consequential in my view.
Almost exclusively my thoughts have turned to the people who are most important to me, the people I couldn't live without. They are never far from my thoughts. Most of them will never read this, I just wanted to put down in words what they mean to me.
Below they will be numbers, but if they happen upon this they will know who they are.
1. My other half, my best friend. I miss you everyday, I wouldn't be who I am without having known you. Though I hate that we are not going through this experience together, I am so glad that you have found your niche. After the better part of the past two years spent apart I know that nothing is about to change between us, that is an endless source of comfort. There is no one else with whom I would rather create a religion or a conspiracy theory. Loves!
2. I must first apologize for the timing on this one--I am somewhat angst-ridden about the pending changes between us. Know that you are one of the people who feels like home to me, it is no small wonder that I hate the fact that you are leaving. Know that I cannot say goodbye to you, as I can scarcely bring myself to write these words. My weekends won't be the same without you and your fam--nor will T Bell. You say that nothing will change and I cling to the hope that you are correct; distance I grow to accept, but an altered us is unacceptable. I've got nothing but love for you and miss you already.
3. My roomie. What would I do without you? I would probably just be lost and somewhat pathetic. I love our random late-night distraction and discussions, stupid debates (I still maintain that Rose did not hold on too tight), and random rating systems. I love you so much it's retarded--even though you don't like slushees. I still haven't given up on making you love Harry Potter, it will happen. Can we talk about how much I love our plots to interfere in other people's love affairs? Cause it is a lot; admittedly we do need to work on our tactics.
4. The most quotable person I know. I have come to think of you as a mentor, confidant and advisor. I love that I can talk to you for hours, about anything, everything and nothing. I feel safe and loved with you. You are a greater comfort to me than you could know.
5. Bottom line, you gave me life. I have never wanted for anything and I know that is because of you. Without your strength I couldn't and wouldn't be the person that I am. One day I'll take care of you. Much love.
Enough said.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Answer Honestly
Tell me about a life changing experience.
What in your life are you most proud of?
Are you where you thought you'd be? Where do you see yourself going?
I would venture to say that the above are fairly substantial questions, but that does not a difficult question make. Or does it? I've been mulling these questions over for well in excess of a week now, and I'm not any closer to having the answers than when I first posed them to myself. Matter of fact, all I've gathered from this self-reflection is how uncertain I am--about everything.
12 days from now, I will be 20 years old. Despite the comfort afforded by telling myself that it hasn't all been preparation, it is getting more difficult to believe that it has been something more. After nearly a score of years on Earth what have I accomplished? Not much. Barring scholastic achievement, sarcasm, and an obscene amount of film knowledge, the series of misadventures that have made up my life to this point, have been largely fruitless. I've spent the past few weeks sympathizing with Jude the Obscure. I haven't done anything, haven't made anything. It's not as if I expect to rule the world at 20, but people younger than me have gone to the Olympics--the narrow progress that my comrades and I have made in re-energizing the sport of tunnel tag pales somewhat in comparison.
So answering honestly, my responses to the above questions:
Tell me about a life changing experience.
The best I've got would be my decision to join yearbook, it was my niche, and arguably what led me to declare journalism as one of my majors. I have nothing but fond memories of my life and times in yearbook--still a high school course being the most significant moment of my life gives me the sense that my life experience leaves something to be desired.
What in your life are you most proud of?
Honestly, I have no idea; I don't think I've done anything that exceptional.
Are you where you'd thought you'd be? Where do you think you're going?
I'm not altogether certain that I ever stopped and thought, "What am I going to be like when I'm 20?" I think it was always just assumed that I'd be in school. In that sense, I'm exactly where I thought I would be. Of course to say that I thought I'd be "in school," is nothing short of vague. As to where I see myself going, I hope into a career I actually enjoy, something to do with writing and film, but again, I haven't the slightest clue of what or where. That, however, I do not take issue with, not even in the slightest. I think to commit myself to a future now would be to deny myself most every opportunity, I'm afraid of becoming too comfortable, or too complacent.
After nearly two weeks of scrutiny and analysis that's what I've got. The answers are no different than when I first began, and I still don't find them remotely satisfactory. I'm tired of thinking and wondering, I want the answers, and I want them to make sense. I need something firm, something definite, an absolution. I'm through pondering, I only have one question left.
Where is my catharsis?
What in your life are you most proud of?
Are you where you thought you'd be? Where do you see yourself going?
I would venture to say that the above are fairly substantial questions, but that does not a difficult question make. Or does it? I've been mulling these questions over for well in excess of a week now, and I'm not any closer to having the answers than when I first posed them to myself. Matter of fact, all I've gathered from this self-reflection is how uncertain I am--about everything.
12 days from now, I will be 20 years old. Despite the comfort afforded by telling myself that it hasn't all been preparation, it is getting more difficult to believe that it has been something more. After nearly a score of years on Earth what have I accomplished? Not much. Barring scholastic achievement, sarcasm, and an obscene amount of film knowledge, the series of misadventures that have made up my life to this point, have been largely fruitless. I've spent the past few weeks sympathizing with Jude the Obscure. I haven't done anything, haven't made anything. It's not as if I expect to rule the world at 20, but people younger than me have gone to the Olympics--the narrow progress that my comrades and I have made in re-energizing the sport of tunnel tag pales somewhat in comparison.
So answering honestly, my responses to the above questions:
Tell me about a life changing experience.
The best I've got would be my decision to join yearbook, it was my niche, and arguably what led me to declare journalism as one of my majors. I have nothing but fond memories of my life and times in yearbook--still a high school course being the most significant moment of my life gives me the sense that my life experience leaves something to be desired.
What in your life are you most proud of?
Honestly, I have no idea; I don't think I've done anything that exceptional.
Are you where you'd thought you'd be? Where do you think you're going?
I'm not altogether certain that I ever stopped and thought, "What am I going to be like when I'm 20?" I think it was always just assumed that I'd be in school. In that sense, I'm exactly where I thought I would be. Of course to say that I thought I'd be "in school," is nothing short of vague. As to where I see myself going, I hope into a career I actually enjoy, something to do with writing and film, but again, I haven't the slightest clue of what or where. That, however, I do not take issue with, not even in the slightest. I think to commit myself to a future now would be to deny myself most every opportunity, I'm afraid of becoming too comfortable, or too complacent.
After nearly two weeks of scrutiny and analysis that's what I've got. The answers are no different than when I first began, and I still don't find them remotely satisfactory. I'm tired of thinking and wondering, I want the answers, and I want them to make sense. I need something firm, something definite, an absolution. I'm through pondering, I only have one question left.
Where is my catharsis?
Monday, November 17, 2008
Prestige Season
With coming of Thanksgiving it is official, we have breached my favorite time of year. For most of us the holidays mean the three 'f's:' food, family, and friends. I am no exception, but for me the holidays mean something more, that mystical 'f' number four. Film.
They say that the first step in addiction recovery is acknowledgment. I've known about my movie problem for quite some time now. I'll be the first one to tell you that I am a film junkie; for me, knowing that hasn't changed a thing. Why? Because I don't want to change--especially not now, it's prestige season!
November 26th through December 26th are four weeks with no less than 10 films of impeccable promise. The next month is to the Oscars what July is to blockbusters. The Oscar bait will be dangling, and I for one, cannot wait to get hooked.
Some highlights...
December 5th:
Frost/Nixon-- Ron Howard's account of the legendary interviews between David Frost and Richard Nixon following the Watergate scandal and Nixon's resignation, the cast includes Kevin Bacon, Sam Rockwell, and Frank Langella as Tricky Dick.
http://www.frostnixon.net/
December 12th:
Doubt--Written and directed by John Patrick Shanley, the author of the Pulitzer Prize winning play of the same name, Doubt looks to be a tour de force; tackling issues of faith and morality, starring Meryl Streep, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and Amy Adams.
http://doubt-themovie.com/
December 25th:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button--Director David Fincher, Brad Pitt, and Cate Blanchett take on F. Scott Fitzgerald's tale of a man who ages in reverse. If the trailer is any indication of the scope and grandeur of the film, Fincher and his cast came through in fine form.
http://www.benjaminbutton.com/
December 26th:
Revolutionary Road--Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio are reunited in this adaptation of Richard Yates' iconic tale of a promising young couple who find themselves living the suburban life they always dreaded, directed by Sam Mendes.
http://www.revolutionaryroadmovie.com/
They say that the first step in addiction recovery is acknowledgment. I've known about my movie problem for quite some time now. I'll be the first one to tell you that I am a film junkie; for me, knowing that hasn't changed a thing. Why? Because I don't want to change--especially not now, it's prestige season!
November 26th through December 26th are four weeks with no less than 10 films of impeccable promise. The next month is to the Oscars what July is to blockbusters. The Oscar bait will be dangling, and I for one, cannot wait to get hooked.
Some highlights...
December 5th:
Frost/Nixon-- Ron Howard's account of the legendary interviews between David Frost and Richard Nixon following the Watergate scandal and Nixon's resignation, the cast includes Kevin Bacon, Sam Rockwell, and Frank Langella as Tricky Dick.
http://www.frostnixon.net/
December 12th:
Doubt--Written and directed by John Patrick Shanley, the author of the Pulitzer Prize winning play of the same name, Doubt looks to be a tour de force; tackling issues of faith and morality, starring Meryl Streep, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and Amy Adams.
http://doubt-themovie.com/
December 25th:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button--Director David Fincher, Brad Pitt, and Cate Blanchett take on F. Scott Fitzgerald's tale of a man who ages in reverse. If the trailer is any indication of the scope and grandeur of the film, Fincher and his cast came through in fine form.
http://www.benjaminbutton.com/
December 26th:
Revolutionary Road--Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio are reunited in this adaptation of Richard Yates' iconic tale of a promising young couple who find themselves living the suburban life they always dreaded, directed by Sam Mendes.
http://www.revolutionaryroadmovie.com/
Friday, November 14, 2008
Let Us Step Out Into the Night and Pursue That Flighty Temptress, Adventure.
Suffice it to say I regard the above as words to live by. To be certain, my life is quite often devoid of adventure in the traditional sense of the word. However, I subscribe to the idea that each day can hold an adventure all its own. Not so very long ago my dear friend Kelsey--the Dagget to my Norbert--and I decided to visit the Mile High Flea Market. Advertisments would have you believe that it is the place to go if you should ever suffer the misfortune of being, "understuffed." We decided to test that theory for ourselves. We figured that if it turned out to be a bust in terms of shopping, at least we would get to eat some of that delcious looking corn on the cob that the kid in the commercial has. It is somewhat commonplace for us to get lost, and that day was no exception. We found ourselves at Water World before realizing we'd turned the wrong way coming off the highway. (If only we'd thought to "sport our swimming spoots.") When we finally did make it to the flea market, we found the offerings were not quite the bounty of bargains we had hoped for, and the corn? Unsavory to say the least--a grilled ear of corn with a wad of napkins smooshed around the husk, submerged in a vat of gooey 'butter' to be uncermoniously thrust into the next waiting hand. (By the way, thanks to my Aunt Jenny for ordering me to take hand sanitizer) Still, I wouldn't call the day a complete failure--we did snap a picture of the 'ultimullet,' and only narrowly passed up the opportunity to purchase some grillz. Perhaps our time would've been better spent at Water World, but given a time machine I wouldn't change a thing. Call me sentimental, but I take pleasure in the details, and invite you to do the same.
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